Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
