Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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