how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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