Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
