They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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