you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
