remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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