The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
