I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
