just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Vodka?
Forever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
