My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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