so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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