Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
