it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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