they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
