Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
