grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Randomize
