You made me cry and you don't even care
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
