i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
