Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
