Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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