a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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