Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
