My first STD was from a foam party
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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