I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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