She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
