Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Come share oat with me in your robe
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
