May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
