Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
