youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
