So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
