why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
