found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
