Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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