Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
