I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
