I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
