You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
