I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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