throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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