I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
