shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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