Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
