The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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