It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am available for nakedness
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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