The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm at about main and main street
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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