I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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