ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
