apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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