I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
