Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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