we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
