just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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