she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize