I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
