I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
