why didn't you poke me back
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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