Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
