It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
